Pin It

Top 7 Ways To Practically Guarantee Divorce, Unless You Do The Opposite Immediately

coffe loveIf you’re reading this post than you’re either a life-long learner or you might have reason to be concerned about your marriage.  Either way, congratulations! It means you want to be in a healthy relationship and are willing to take on a certain level of responsibility for getting there.

My husband and I are happy, and flourishing in our marriage, which is why I am able to write books and help other couples thrive too. But it wasn’t always that way. I’m going to share a bit of personal information here because I’ve been down the unhealthy road a number of times.

For most of our marriage my husband threatened to leave more times than I can count. I threatened it twice and actually did it once. Please try not to judge.  In reality, that’s all we knew to do.  We both had unhealthy relationship examples, and both of our parents also had unhealthy relationship examples in their parents.  That’s not blaming anyone, because we all do the best we can with what we’ve been given, but the examples you’ve had are bound to repeat themselves in you, whether you want them to or not.

Generation After Generation

Perhaps you’re unaware that God says, “Generation after generation the sins of the father’s are passed down.”  This means your subconscious mind will consistently fall back on unhealthy patterns that were passed down by your parents. This is normal and likely the cause of thousands of divorces today.

Divorce will be thought of … until you practice new healthy habits.  One of my previous articles is about getting UNSTUCK that you might also be interested in reading when you’re done this one.

In 2004 I started training to become a certified relationship coach. I began working with couples and individuals who all had unhealthy relationships. Here are the TOP 7 ways my clients said divorce was inevitable unless something changed.

  1. Indifference – Husbands are often more indifferent than wives because they can disconnect from their emotions easier, but wives do it too.  Hurting people can turn off their emotions like a switch and give the silent treatment. This protects the emotion center of the brain, called the hypothalamus, from experiencing pain over again.  Although indifference helps them to stay numb to the pain, it makes others feel controlled by the silent treatment and completely unloved.
  2. Disrespect – Speaking in angry tones, and with angry words, against one another will only breed contempt.  Everyone has their own definition of what respect looks like, but when you cross that line, you may not regain trust back.
  3. Lusting Over Others – In a culture filled with pornography and seductive behaviors in the media, it might seem impossible to not lust after others. Participation in lust breeds competitiveness, insecurities, unhealthy physical issues in the long term and demands on the spouse that are unhealthy. It can also lead to unrealistic expectations and unwholesome talk. Unhealthy minds carry images of others rather than their spouse. 
  4. After Hours – Staying late at the office night after night, going out with friends till the wee hours of the morning, staying away from home on purpose, tears at the fabric of all relationships. It devalues the importance of the other person and makes them feel unloved.
  5. Lies – When trust gets broken, the only thing that will set you free is the truth. Lies kill and destroy all relationships.
  6. Threats – No one likes to be threatened. Telling your spouse divorce is on your mind makes them feel like a piece of trash that can be tossed aside and trampled. 
  7. Build A List Of Ills – A list of ills, or sins, does not constitute a healthy marriage. It can only breed a heart of contempt and the feeling of being unloved.

Going from unhealthy thoughts to healthy thoughts takes training and practice. If you want your marriage to work – I mean reeeeeeally want your marriage to work, then you’ve got to take a stand right here and now.

7 Ways To Get Healthy FAST

Just like you work out your muscles at the gym, you have to work at building your emotional muscle. That’s the muscle where all great marriages survive and thrive because our emotions either tear down or build up. Here is a list of the OPPOSITES that you can begin right now. It will take a little practice of course, but just pick one for now. Once you’ve mastered that then choose

peace

another one. Here we go:

  1. From Indifference to Caring – The opposite of indifference is caring about the other person. What is in their highest and best interest? What can you do to show you care every single moment of every single day? Whether its your spouse or your children, what you do towards them will also be done unto you.
  2. From Disrespect to Respect – Everyone has their own definition of what respect looks like. There are general rules for society yes, but your spouse has his or her own set of values on what respect looks like. Find out what they are and agree to choose those you know you can do.
  3. From Lusting to Cherishing – If you were not cherished as a child, chances are, you will not know how to cherish anyone else consistently. Ask your spouse what would make him/her feel loved and be consistent at providing it if possible.
  4. From After Hours to Being Home – The atmosphere may be tense now, but if you follow what I’m suggesting to you that atmosphere will change. You are the one holding the key.
  5. From Lies to Truth – I get that many of us never understood that holding back the truth is the same as lying, but I’m here to tell you it is. If you withhold information, if you tell a ‘little white lie’, or adjust the truth in any large or small way, it. is. a. lie. Being a person of integrity means to stand for truth no matter how much it hurts sometimes.
  6. From Threats to A Gentle Spirit – If you’ve never been around people who are gentle, or feel gentleness is weak, you may not like what I’m about to say. Let go of your egoic pride. Would you rather be right than be in relationship? Having a gentle spirit not only creates healthier relationships, but it can create AMAZING relationships.
  7. From Building A List Of Ills To Forgiveness –

12183853_906541599429090_391433438668135197_o-1

Marriage takes as much work as getting your body back into shape after being away from the gym for years. But when you look great in that swimsuit, and you’re checking your new body out in the mirror whispering, “Oh yeah baby.”, just imagine how much greater it will feel when you hold your spouse in your arms and they’re genuinely loving you back.

Make The Top 10 List More Easily

In the mind of a healthy spouse, and inside a healthy relationship, you can rest assure you’ll make the top 10 list. What does the top 10 include?

  • Honesty
  • Love
  • Trust
  • Communication
  • Respect
  • Commitment
  • Humor
  • Support
  • Compassion
  • Dependability

Every spouse deserves to have a person with these qualities, including you. If I can help you in any way let me know. I have tons of free information that will support healthy relationships with God, yourself or others if you’re interested. Just sign in below to get your free ebook called, Let The Real YOU Show Up, and encouraging livestream events to keep you on track.

Always Love!

Kellie

 

Kellie

Kellie

Founder at Connecting LLC
After persevering through a traumatic brain injury and death of family members in 2007, Kellie Frazier was blessed with a miracle. As she pressed into God's vision for her life, she went on to publish several books while helping others publish their books. She finds great fulfillment in living a loving CHRIST-ian lifestyle. A devoted wife and mother for more than 34 years, she loves God, and others as she loves herself.
Kellie

Latest posts by Kellie (see all)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Love Differently-Stay Married

cropped-11990055_10153541802205330_828732316_o.jpgLearn 5 Principles Of Marriage Here

Is There A Book Inside You?

Becoming_a_SelfPublished_Author_00Click on the image above to learn more about getting your book published.