Hearing that Still Small Voice Is Not Normal
Since I was very young, I’ve been able to hear God’s still small voice. Not ever quite sure what to do about what I heard, I knew not everyone heard it. My friends never mentioned anything about it, nor did my family. When I confided in my mother about hearing the Holy Spirit, Mom told me to keep it to myself because I didn’t want to seem like a weirdo to others. I believed her.
As I grew up, God pursued me. I felt convicted often about what I did, or things I’d known about other people that no one else knew. I didn’t like it. I’d shake it off and decidedly stuck to being ‘normal’. Normal, however, took me down paths I knew I ought not to go, many times over.
I married a young man whom I loved very much. We had two fabulous sons and I loved them dearly as well, but my heart continually ached to be blessed with a little girl. I didn’t know, prior to marriage, that my husband didn’t want three children. He was done having children right after our second son was born. He made a permanent decision on that through surgery without my consent. I was felt heart broken, but that was “normal”. He would repeatedly state, “I fix things, not relationships”, therefore, his decisions remained in alignment with his belief.
Note: When your decisions give credence to an unhealthy belief, you will consistently struggle.
You Will Have A Daughter
At the age of 34, I felt very alone. Our two sons were pre-teens, my husband was out at sea, my family was half a world away and my friends dealt with their own struggles.
One night I lay in bed, crying myself to sleep as I often did, when I began to drift off. Suddenly, I heard the Spirit say, “You will have a daughter.”
My head came straight off my pillow. “Huh? Who’s in here?” I immediately got up to check on my sons. I wanted to see if they were playing a joke on me by whispering those words into my room. Of all things someone could say, whether it was a joke or not, that wasn’t funny.
They were both fast asleep. I told myself I was just dreaming and tried to go back to sleep. The problem was, I heard it again. To me, it seemed like God was playing such a cruel joke. Getting pregnant was no longer physically possible. I felt anger rise in me like no other time in my history. I whispered loudly at the ceiling, “How is THAT suppose to happen? Another immaculate conception or something?”
I knew how horribly disrespectful I sounded. I felt bad, but also alone and embittered. I blamed God, you see, for every choice my husband made that went against what I believed or wanted in life. He lived the military lifestyle while I lived a Christian one, though my beliefs were legalistic most of the time. It’s pretty easy to blame God since he, “allows things to happen”, but it was definitely not God’s fault that I was in this marriage, this situation, or any other thing I chose to do. I controlled my choices, not God. The saying, “God is in control.” will make you blame God too, so I strongly encourage you to stop thinking that way when it comes to the consequences of poor choices you’ve made.
When Jon returned from sea duty two months later, he told me of another decision he’d made without discussing it with me. This one sent me into a complete tailspin. He said he couldn’t explain it, but he realized how selfish he’d been years ago, and that he was now going to have a surgical reversal without telling me. He said he wanted to give me that little girl I’ve always wanted.
I can’t even begin to tell you how angry in that moment. A flood of emotions and thoughts overtook me. “Its been over nine years since his surgery. Was an effective reversal even possible after that long? I’d just gave away all our baby stuff a week ago. I had finally accepted life without a daughter and here you are saying such stupid things to me! I’m enjoying the freedom I have with our two boys, why would I want to be tied down again! How would they feel about us having a baby so late in life?”
I was so, so, so mad I even thought he must be some kind of sadistic person. Either he had finally lost his mind, or he was trying to make me lose mine. The strange thing was, I did not remember that night of hearing the Holy Spirit say I was to have a daughter. I allowed my anger to become sin, which cut me off from hearing that still small voice again for quite a while.
Although you may want to hear the rest of this bizarre story, it’ll have to wait for another day. The result was that I repented of my anger, and I did finally remember. One year later our beautiful little girl was born whom, by the way, is very happily married and living in Toronto. She is strong, full of confidence and a true believer, who is anything BUT “normal”.
Most girls today have low self worth and struggle with confidence to be themselves. They buy into what the world tells them they ought to be. That’s normal. That’s also very dangerous.
Fast Forward To 2007
Most people would call the year of 2007, a year from hell for me. I call it the year of my greatest transformation. That was the year my 18-yr-old nephew died in a drowning accident. My youngest sister, his mom, also died from cancer. Our marriage took a major nose dive as we were seldom emotionally connected, and I closed down our family investing business at my husband’s request. That’s a lot, but that wasn’t all.
At the end of that long year I had an accident that caused a traumatic brain injury. In June of 2008, however, I woke up to a glow of white light in my bedroom. “What’s going on?” I said aloud. “Am I dreaming, or was it my brain playing tricks on me?”
The love in that room was beyond anything I’d ever experienced in my life. Though I can say I felt peace, love, unimaginable hope, there truly are no words to accurately articulate what I experienced that morning. When I looked out my window I noticed it was dark outside. “What in the world? If it’s dark outside, then where is this light coming from?”
The minute I asked that question and turned to the left to see it, it disappeared. The atmosphere remained remained however. A clear vision entered my mind as if I’d already lived it. I had become an author, a speaker and was meeting people from all around the globe. I scoffed at this vision in my spirit. Then I asked, rather sarcastically, “How is any of THAT suppose to happen??”
I assumed that God knew how much I detested public speaking, truly stunk at writing, and now that I had a TBI, all that seemed outrageously impossible. Still… I was at complete peace.
Within a few seconds of my asking the question, a response came back saying, “Trust me.”
I’d been in this spot many times before. Hearing the voice of the Holy One, seeing images that couldn’t be explained. I knew it was God. I knew there was no reason to put up a fight. Within a few years I became an author, a speaker and began meeting people from all around the globe. Amazing isn’t it?
After publishing eight books and speaking around the world via internet radio shows and television talk shows, the Holy Spirit spoke to me again saying, “Stop doing business and create a day of love for healing and restoration.” That sent my head reeling again. I won’t go into the details of that, but you can read more about that here.
The Toughest Rejection
I still hadn’t told too many people that I could hear the Holy Spirit speak to me. Others who had became famous it seemed. I wasn’t looking for fame. I also faced a lot of rejection. Each time I confided in someone close to me, they rejected the possibility and thought it was weird. That’s not “normal” I’d hear them say, even without them saying it. Mom’s words haunted me.
The toughest rejection I ever faced came from my family. My husband and sons do not believe I hear the Holy Spirit. My daughter, however, knows its a divine connection. I believe that God knew I’d needed her support to pursue wherever he led me. I’m not sure I would have gotten this far without her love and support. That being said, I am not offended by the guys in my family. I love them and understand they place their identity in the world rather than in God. Being a CHRIST-IAN is most uncomfortable. But each time I place my trust in Christ it’s been totally miraculous, too.
Although my work of writing and publishing books, speaking and training went world wide, God asked me to leave the business world behind to pursue His work instead. This happened in 2012. I’ve helped families, individuals, businesses and marriages experience God’s love for themselves since then. Healing and restoration being the goal, I’ve fully surrendered to the Spirit’s calling on my life and this is why I write today.
God says we’re to be called a “peculiar people”. That translates to spiritually weird to the world.
My Invitation To You
I want to invite you to join me in two ways…
1. If you want to stay in the loop with a willingness to “be weird”, sign up here. You never know how God will transform your life through the Holy Spirit and what I’ll be sharing with you regularly.
2. Although I’m no longer conducting “business”, God qualifies me to consult with you about LIFE, especially if you struggle with your VALUE or WORTH. I want to urge you, not to wait to make a change. You’re meant to FLOURISH in love as a Christ-ian.
I’ll be teaching using video, blog post, short stories, prayer training and so much more.
Again – in order to remain connected you must sign up with your primary email at this link.
Please also remember one very important thing…
This is not the “Kellie Frazier show”. This is about trusting God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son and the power of the Holy Spirit who comforts and speaks to us. I’m just one vessel, one of many, who chooses to live out the Gospel, no matter what the world says. When you sign up you’ll get an email from me immediately sharing a few important details. Feel free to share this post with others who you want to touch with the love of God.
I love you, God loves you and you’ll be blessed in soooo many ways once you sign up.
So take that step – see what God is doing – and let the miraculous continue!