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Relationships – Short Term Sacrifice For Long Term Gain

Screen Shot 2014-07-31 at 4.11.29 PMIt was in the middle of the work day and I had lots to get accomplished. I really didn’t want to take the time, but I kept hearing in my spirit, ‘call her’.

Do you remember an episode from Oprah Winfrey where she and Iyanla Vanzant talked about why they hadn’t been speaking to each other but didn’t know why?  What they experienced what short term sacrifice for long term gain.  By getting in front of the public eye and working out their differences they knew the pain would only last a short while, but the long term gain could be immeasurable.  Today, they work together on OWN to bring healing to millions of people.   Well…..It was THAT kind of call.

Val is one of my oldest and dearest friends in the world. She began by saying she traveled to my area recently but didn’t call me for a myriad of reasons (which to my ears sounded more like excuses) and I was immediately hurt.  It had been many years since they visited with us.  We would typically go out of our way to see them no matter how short a time crunch we were under. But that’s us.

Without another thought, or letting her finish her sentence, I said “That’s bull crap.”

“Did I really just say that?! Wow Kellie.  That wasn’t motivated by love at all. That was motivated by hurt.”

I wanted to hang up out of embarrassment, but instead I went inside my heart and asked, “Where did that come from?!“.

I took a deep breath and asked myself what I was honestly feeling.

Val didn’t skip a beat,  she went on talking about life, either ignoring me or not knowing what to say.

As she tried to catch up on the time she missed, my hurt eventually turned into tears.  Now I’m in shock, and by now she was no doubt confused.


I explained that she was one of my closest and dearest friends, but her putting distance between us made me feel like I had done something wrong. Where I came from, when someone didn’t speak to you it was punishment. So I was looking at our situation through my own filter.

She, on the other hand, explained that it wasn’t like that, and that she chose distance unconsciously because our lives were going in  different directions.  She also said she felt that I no longer needed her because of the vast network of other friends I now have.

This idea of ‘no longer needing her’ was also a filter. Where she came from people moved on to the future and let go of those in the past.

The truth was, my life had gone in a different direction than hers, and I really didn’t need her to be my friend…but what I know is that no matter where my life takes me – I will always WANT her in my life. She is one of those special people you never forget, nor ever want to be without.

Sacrifice to Gain

For sacrificing a short time during my lunch hour today, I was able to establish immense long term gain.   I’m so happy I listened to my spirit and made that call.  Now we both know where we stand, and we both agreed to keep better in touch for the future.

When you feel someone has distanced themselves from you, it may not be for the reasons you think. Talking your feelings out in an honest way, without hurtful words, can often bring healing and joy back into your life.  In the entrepreneurial world the saying;

Short term sacrifice for long term gain truly works sometimes in the relationship arena as well.


Honesty does hurt sometimes, but when you let go of being ‘nice’ in exchange for being ‘honest’, your life changes for the better – ask me how I know. 🙂 When your heart is motivated by love instead of hurt, you can ALWAYS find solid ground to stand on.  So be honest about how you feel in a kind way and trust the process.  Its a huge decision. Typically only the brave makes this decision and can actually follow through with it, but you can be in that 1% who chooses freedom from being nice when you really want to be honest.

If you could use a little help getting there – click here. And if you think this article was worth the time to read, then please use the share buttons to the left to let others know about it.

When it comes to relationships, honesty will ALWAYS be the better policy, even when it doesn’t feel good at first.

Always Love,




Founder at Connecting LLC
After persevering through a traumatic brain injury and death of family members in 2007, Kellie Frazier was blessed with a miracle. As she pressed into God's vision for her life, she went on to publish several books while helping others publish their books. She finds great fulfillment in living a loving CHRIST-ian lifestyle. A devoted wife and mother for more than 34 years, she loves God, and others as she loves herself.

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