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How To Grow Mentally To Restore Relationships

Screen Shot 2014-12-03 at 3.14.33 PMDeclaration #2: “I grow emotionally and spiritually to restore my relationships and my own health.”

There are numerous ways ‘mental health’ is described, but lets cut to the chase.

Mental health gets all cleared up when emotional health is at its finest.  Doctors and scientists alike have done numerous research studies on emotional intelligence, which is directly linked to mental health.  What I understand from my own research is that when emotionally unhealthy behaviors are intensified, or prolonged over a period of time, the brain chemistry changes, neurotransmitters break off and mental illness sets in.

My husband and I created this declaration after experiencing highs and lows in our marriage, but it wasn’t until my mother shared a story about her childhood that it really hit home for me.

Mom had developed dementia at an early age.  Watching her retell this story explained everything to me.  Whether her story was accurate or not, her suffering over it came from her retelling it over and over in her mind.   She said her Dad wanted a plow horse, but her horse was an equestrian horse and it was given to her as a gift so she could learn to ride.  She was a young girl when she watched her dad force the horse to plow the fields and whip the horse when it wouldn’t work hard.  After a time, he beat the horse to death and she watched it happen from behind a tree.IMG_3827

Whether the details of this story were true or not, the event was very real in her mind.  While she told me more details, I watched my mother crumble, curling up in her chair, as if she was that scared little girl all over again.  Her emotional and mental state were clearly in sync.  This was a shocking example of how our emotional and mental state are in complete harmony with one another.

From that day forward, I learned everything I could about how to

  • stay emotionally strong
  • take rejection
  • keep moving forward in a productive manner even through difficult times
  • be kind – but strong when saying NO
  • set boundaries and goals
  • stay true to who I am
  • not allow others to dictate who I am regardless of what they think
  • step forward with courage, particularly when my mind says to shrink back
  • communicate successfully
  • not put so much stalk in how people judge me because they’re going to no matter what I do
  • remove unhealthy behaviors from my home and suffer the consequences even if that means your kids will reject you for a time
  • focus on what I DO want rather than what I don’t want

I could go on and on with what I’ve learned over the years, but I think the most important thing I discovered was that “God isn’t ALWAYS in control”.

No….that is NOT blasphemy. That is FACT.

God gave us free will to choose. That doesn’t sound like someone in complete control does it?

Stop waiting around for God to DO something for you. Do healthier things for yourself! CHOOSE it! Go after it!

And lastly…

I’ve met the most incredible people since taking a stand for healthier choices. I’ve also seen how living inside of a victim mentality creates bitterness and hardened hearts, even within my own family.  While you make the choice to put away unhealthy behaviors, your family won’t understand. They’ll test you and test you and test you.  They might even tell you you’re being selfish or pious, when in fact, you are creating space in your life to “KNOW THYSELF”.

Keep your mental health steadily growing by keeping your emotional state strong. It is up to you to create what you desire.  There is a paragraph in scripture that talks about how to keep your mental health strong.  In the long run only you can determine what your mental health will be like.

To get a copy of your own 11 Declarations just sign in to the right.

Here’s to your health!!! 🙂

“So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good. As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. …”

1 Peter 2:1-25 ESV

Always Love,


PS.  If you missed Declaration #1 you can read it here.



Founder at Connecting LLC
After persevering through a traumatic brain injury and death of family members in 2007, Kellie Frazier was blessed with a miracle. As she pressed into God's vision for her life, she went on to publish several books while helping others publish their books. She finds great fulfillment in living a loving CHRIST-ian lifestyle. A devoted wife and mother for more than 34 years, she loves God, and others as she loves herself.

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