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Dating Advice For The Twenty-First Century

Father And Daughter Together At HomeAs a Relationship Specialist, I often get asked about dating or marriage advice because of my work in building successful relationships. I’m sharing my response publicly in case you deal with similar issues.

Question: “It seems the people I attract are all about themselves and really don’t care about me. What can I do to change this?”

Answer:  Realize first that there is a reason you’re attracting self-focused and distracted people.In a world where ADD and emotional disconnect is more prevalent than being mentally present, its not easy to find someone who really cares. Lets look at this in another way.

In business I was taught to:
a) write down a plan
b) build a strong foundation on core values
c) think strategically
d) ask for what I want

What if you did the same thing before going out on your next date? It might not sound ‘natural’ to build relationships this way but I say, it sure beats pounding your head against the wall. You are deciding what you want for your future, (and for your children’s future) Isn’t that worth a bit of time and thought

Here is an example:

a) Plan: I will only go into venues and/or activities that harness the power of love. This might include volunteering for your community, going to church functions, finding meet up groups that involve something you’re passionate about like hiking or kayaking.

b) Foundation: You have to know what you value as a person and this takes thought. If you do know what you value then the core of your foundation will allow you to dream up your desired partner or future relationship. It might look like:

Someone who values integrity even when no one else is looking. Someone who is authentic, someone who can be humble and yet see the best in himself/herself and others, someone who can be supportive, someone who can rest and watch the sunset without thinking about work. Etc, etc…

Remember; if you want this from someone else you have to BE that person for them as well. That is why these are ‘core’ values that are lived out.

c) Strategy: Memorize several questions to be certain to ask him/her besides the usual demographics. Those questions will be about their interests, their family, who they appreciate, whether they like being accountable, how they feel about raising children and being mentally present at all times. Make your list of questions so you will know this person has similar desires BEFORE you invest a lot of time and energy in them.

d) Ask: One thing most people do not do is ask for what they want and yet, they expect things to magically show up. God wants to give you the desires of your heart according to ancient texts, but if you don’t ask for what you want then why expect things to appear? Ask in faith and be patient for the outcome. There is a flow to life that you can see only when you are patient.

No one has all the answers in life, but I do engage a panel of relationship experts to discuss dating, and much more, once a month on The DOL View.  You’re welcome to join us to learn more about this topic.  There is an order to the life we live. If we fail to plan then we plan to fail. Why waste more valuable time being around what you don’t want? Taking a few minutes to decide what you DO want in your life can create richer life than you ever dreamed possible.

I trust this helps get your thought process moving and if you do try any of the above, let me know how things turn out.

Blessing you with an abundance of love,



Founder at Connecting LLC
After persevering through a traumatic brain injury and death of family members in 2007, Kellie Frazier was blessed with a miracle. As she pressed into God's vision for her life, she went on to publish several books while helping others publish their books. She finds great fulfillment in living a loving CHRIST-ian lifestyle. A devoted wife and mother for more than 34 years, she loves God, and others as she loves herself.

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