5 Signs You Are Emotionally Strong Enough To Make It Through Anything
The week my mom passed away I was really doing well emotionally. I even sang a song of love with my siblings at her graveside because it was what she use to sing to us as little kids. My mother had dementia and lived a hard life. If you have to lose someone, its good to know they’ve no doubt gone to a better place then the one they left. She was finally fully loved and at complete peace.
Nearly 400 condolence messages rolled in during that week. I was overwhelmed and feeling very loved. Every single sympathy card or message, however, made me feel as though I ought not to be doing so well. It wasn’t what people said, it was my own feeling as if I ought to feel guilty for not feeling like I was falling apart.
One of those loving messages was a phone call from a very old friend. It had been several years since we last spoke but I remember every detail about the conversation. She had believed her 30 year marriage was in trouble. I had known she was right but I also wondered how long it would take her to recover and heal. She started this new conversation by saying how sorry she was to hear that my mother passed away. I thanked her and asked her how she was doing. She proclaimed, “I am divorced.”, and burst into tears.
My heart broke for her, not because her turbulent marriage had ended, but because when someone associates who they are with something as tragic as divorce, they often take on the persona of the event rather than who they really are. Her saying, “I am divorced.” in answer to my question was actually a declaration of who she believed she had become.
What I eventually said was, “If you keep telling yourself a story like that, over and over again, you will be permanently depressed.”
Marriage isn’t for the weak, particularly when maturity of perseverance and commitment haven’t yet been reached. But a healthy marriage takes doing things in a different way in order to create a different outcome. In other words, each person MUST take full responsibility for their part in pain and turn it around.
Its taken me 30+ years of both hard times and good times to learn myself, so I know what it takes on a personal level. I’ve also interviewed LOTS of successfully married brides, who’ve been together 10, 20, 30+ years, to ask what it took for their marriage to succeed, (which you can get the entire video for free by subscribing to my blog) so I believe I can speak frankly about what the 5 SIGNS of emotional strength are and how to make it through anything. So here they are:
5 SIGNS of emotional strength that will get you through anything
A commitment to GRATITUDE while understanding love means different things to different people
When someone you love tears you down and tells you they don’t believe in who you are, or what you do, it leaves a gaping hole inside your heart. Gratitude is difficult to feel.
Both my husband and I were raised in homes filled with the victim mentality. Victims believe they are not good enough, they don’t measure up, they’re never going to be loved, they will fail, they will never succeed… on and on. Victims eventually become abusers. That’s right. ALL victims, by default, become abusers themselves by overly protecting and defending their rights. Unless a victim sees this unhealthy mindset, they continue an unhealthy path.
When you commit to gratitude you begin to change the victim mentality. You begin to understand the person is NOT their behavior. Their behavior is merely a symptom of something else going on, a lie they are believing perhaps. What gratitude teaches is that love means different things to different people.
When you’re emotionally strong you realize love isn’t about you at all.
You accept responsibility for your story and see it from an empowering perspective
If we only knew what repeating our woeful story does to our life – we’d never tell that same story again.
If you feel you must tell a woeful story, notice what and whom you attract into your life when you do. You’ll no doubt attract people who are stuck in their own stories who will talk on for hours and hours about their pain and suffering. They will pity you, and totally ‘get’ you, because they talk about their own woeful tales that sounds just like yours.
When you learn to tell your story from a powerfully inspiring perspective you are taking responsibility for developing your life and feeling like your making a difference in other people’s lives. This is why I teach others to stand ON their story rather than stay stuck IN their story.
You know that sharing LIGHT is where deep love and joy are found
I don’t throw out random Bible texts. You will not hear me say, “God is in control”. I firmly believe YOU are in control of your life. You get to choose every moment of every day exactly how you will grow. God allowed you the freedom to do so.
Jesus did say, “I am the light of the world. He who follows me will not have darkness but will have the Light of life.”
When I accepted this, I completely understood the difference between living in darkness or in light, and there was no turning back. Those who wanted to know more about light leaned in and learned, those who didn’t, hurled verbal darts at me. Its often said that when you align with what you’re meant to do, you’ll know because you’ll have haters. What I didn’t expect is that some of my haters would be those closest to me.
Love will keep you moving; and knowing that only a small percentage of people will lean in and learn, while the others fall away, you get to decide how to respond. Darkness cannot be near the light. Your light will shine for those who need to see it. If you’re doing what you’re called to do, and loved ones walk away from you… you will be emotionally prepared for it.
Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
You embrace change
Embracing change allows you to lean into those moments with wonder instead of feeling like you might snap if one more teensy weensy thing happens that you weren’t expecting. How you react to it makes all the difference.
Blogging is like journaling. You’ll learn to grow in order to heal, to understand how mental and emotional strength can grow like a muscle. I exercised these muscles as often as I could and blogged as often as I could. I discovered a strength that I ever knew existed. Once I got over the fear of how everything would work out, I let go. I stayed present. I began to navigate my life much clearer. That’s when I became a best selling author, a public speaker, a difference maker and love grew from my insides out.
Embracing change will help you create perpetual momentum for a wonderful life.
You never-ever quit
Life is a playground of constant learning. Emotionally weak people know that the easy way out is to quit, but you…you know that if you do quit you might miss out on something more grand than you ever thought possible. You know that something moves you that’s hard to explain. Someone says something or does something that stirs your soul and it propels you into deep curiosity, a playfulness that breeds the desire for more. Even when something comes along to upset the applecart, you problem solve your way through it and decide you want to stick with it to see the outcome.
These 5 traits are for the strong, the brave and the ones who persevere because of knowing there is LIGHT. If you’ve found that you’re missing a few of these traits and would like to work on them with a powerful coach who will help you facilitate a lifestyle you want, let me know! My clients are movers and shakers who want to make a difference. See what it would take for you to have a VIP Day with me so you can build something masterful and meaningful.
If you found this post helpful and would like to share it, please do! Leave me a comment below before you go and tell me if you have emotional strength. I’d love to hear from you!