1 Simple Way To Set Boundaries In All Relationships
Books on setting boundaries can be so complicated! In my younger years I tried practicing all kinds of techniques and communication dialogs, learning discipline tactics, understanding denial and even spending money going to seminars to learn how to set boundaries. Whether I realized it or not, I never quite got the tactics down well enough to be consistent, therefore setting boundaries seems futile.
Had I known then what I know today, life would have been so much easier. Setting boundaries is truly as simple as learning when to be honest with yourself and with others.
What Does Integrity Have To Do With Establishing Boundaries?
We’ve all been in situations where we wanted to say ‘No” to someone else, and maybe we even tried to, but then we backed down. Afterward we felt taken advantage of which left us feeling frustrated, maybe even used, in the relationship.
What if I told you that setting boundaries truly comes down to being a person of integrity.
Yep! That’s right.
Being a successful person of high integrity begins with understanding when to be honest with yourself and with others, without concern of what people think. You might be thinking…. “That’s easy for you to say!” Well let me share what I’ve learned about the connection between integrity and boundaries.
Integrity is a concept of consistent actions, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes. Its something everyone thinks they do well, but very few people actually do well at all. Integrity is more often thought of as honesty, morals or trustworthiness and no one wants to think they may live a life of hypocrisy.
A hypocrite is a double-minded person, someone who shows an image to others that is altogether different than what he truly is thinking or feeling on the inside. In every relationship you will find a certain level of hypocrisy whether we want to admit it or not.
Okay, okay, so maybe that’s a lot deeper than what you expected, but have you ever found yourself in these situations below?
“Hey it’s great to see you again!” When you actually dreaded seeing them.
“Sure, I’ll go out with you tonight.” When all you really want to do is sit at home in your comfy pajamas and watch a movie.
Choosing integrity at all times makes us uncomfortable, which is why its just easier sometimes to give in. The problem with giving in, is we lose our sense of integrity in the process.
So How Do You Set Boundaries In 1 Simple Step?
By using the word NO. Here are 3 ways to say NO.
1. Using your personal NO
2. Using your interpersonal NO
3. Using your global NO
The personal no comes down to controlling your own choices, emotions and thoughts when no one else is around. It takes great self control to say no to eating that delicious piece of chocolate cake on the counter when you’ve sworn off sugar, however, it is probably the toughest no you’ll say in your life at that moment. This is truly where being a person of integrity begins – saying no to yourself.
The interpersonal no is where you say no to others who ask you, or invite you to events that you don’t want to attend. Saying no to others isn’t any different than saying no to ourselves, it just takes being a person of integrity and speaking the words politely. “No thank you.” which needs no explanation, yet we feel it does.
The global no is when we can turn off outside influencers that may be inappropriate for our lives, or for the lives of those in our care. Television is a great example. Do you ever wonder why you waste so much time watching programs that offer no value to your life?
Saying no globally means you are able to allow into your life only those things that contribute positive opportunities to grow your life, your family or your community.
Higher Integrity and Healthier Relationships Make Us Happy
In being able to say “no” to someone you are being truthful about what you want or don’t want in your life. Stepping into a higher sense of integrity will allow you to have greater relationships than ever before.
If you’ve learned to be a ‘yes’ person, then trying to please others will be your priority. Setting healthy boundaries of saying, “No thanks”, will take practice.
Accept it as a personal responsibility to permanently remove hypocrisy from your life by becoming a person of high integrity while enjoying healthier relationships. Its so well-worth every NO. 🙂
If you’d like a homestudy course that takes you step-by-step through the process of saying NO successfully, rebuilds your relationships and helps you find your purpose CLICK HERE. Leave a comment below and share.